The Dangers of Passive Alignment

I've facilitated a lot of workshops and meetings over the years. A lot. And whilst there is (rightly) a lot of talk about the need for a tight agenda, the right stimulus, room set up etc..., I think the biggest single reason why big important meetings may not get the right outcome is nothing to do with any of those.

It is something far more prevalent - Passive Alignment.

The person that says yes...but really means no. The person who agrees at the time...but reluctantly.

And what happens after the meeting? Everything starts to unravel.

It starts with a side conversation.

"Were you totally on board with that?"

"Did you think we got to the right decision?"

An ex-client of mine called it 'the hands from the grave', appearing and slowly, subtly starting to unpick the decisions. Before you know it, all that time and effort has gone to pot, and we are back where we were before.

Except we aren't. We are actually in a worse place.

Because the cost of passive alignment isn't just rework and wasted time.

It is damaged trust and relationships. It is the risk that this becomes a repeated pattern of behaviour, where colleagues feel unable or uncomfortable being open and honest with each other. That seeps into the next meeting and leads to more interpretation of the unsaid

"They are saying that they are aligned - but are they really? They said that last time, but then they rowed back on that afterwards..."

Strong relationships are built on trust and trust is earned through repeated patterns of consistent behaviour. If those are undermined by inconsistent behaviour, then the bonds erode and the trust dries out.

So what's the answer?

In my experience, it is three fold.

Firstly, doing your homework. Knowing what we are walking into, where people are and what the different views are.

Secondly, it is creating the psychological safety for the difficult conversations to emerge. You can say that as much as you like, but psychological safety isn't established through what you say, but through what you do. By your ability to truly listen, invite perspectives and respond to what is being said.

And essentially the third ingredient - being able to notice and surface the unsaid.

Noticing is about the detail. The subtle shift in body language. The slight pause before a response. A hesitation or incongruous choice of word.

Surfacing is about the sensitivity. The gentle and supportive encouragement either in the moment or perhaps in a break, 1:1, to just check in and see if the thing you noticed was symbolic of something bigger and more fundamental.

If you are finding yourself stuck in meetings and workshops that aren't getting the output you want, with decisions unravelling, get in touch. I can help.