"Fear of...or fear for?"

Right at the offset, I have to give credit for this blog to Steven Lacey from The Outsiders and his amazing work on Hope Restored that I had the pleasure of hearing this week at a webinar I joined.

Steven's work has involved deep ethnography with C1/C2 families across the UK for the last year. One of the myths he busts is that, contrary to popular perception, this is not an audience fearful of, but rather fearful for.

And it really resonated with me as I have seen this in various guises across the Difficult Conversations work I am doing.

In my training to be a workplace mediator with TCM, they introduced the foundational PIN model for effective mediation:

Credit TCM Group

The model comprises 3 levels:

1. P-ositions

2. I-nterests

3. N-eeds

Positions are the presenting issues. The things that have a lot of attention and that take up the oxygen. But it it what lies beneath that where it becomes interesting - what I want and what I need.

'Fear of' is a position. Something tangible, that can be pointed at. But it is a symptom, not a cause.

Probe beneath the surface and you quickly find that it is (almost always) not the real issue - and certainly not the only solution.

Steven's webinar was very timely, because on Monday I was at the Home Affairs Select Committee launch of the findings from the citizen's assembly to explore the impact of migration on the workforce. What struck me was that at the start, when asking people to talk about immigration, it won't surprise you what was talked about first. What took the oxygen. Small boats & illegal migration. 'Fear of' in Steven's words.

But what is striking is where they ended up. After 3 x 1.5 day deliberations across the UK, the number 1 policy position was all about the underlying wants and needs. It was classic 'fear for' - fear for an uncertain future, where me, my children, friends and loved ones won't have a secure job. Secure income. Clear opportunities.

It was a need. A need to know that me and the people in my community had equal access to opportunities as anyone else. A need for fairness. A need for equality.

In all difficult conversations, it is the positions that are visible, poking out like isolated peaks of the mountain range, shouting their position as a fear of. A fear of change. A fear of disruption. A fear of uncertainty.

But underneath is the bedrock, shared by all peaks in a range, of common needs. A fear for my future. My prospects. My chances. And a corresponding need. For certainty. For clarity. For consistency.

If we ask the right questions and listen to understand and not just reply, then we can find those common needs and identify the productive ways forward